Useful shorthand

There are certain phrases that have entered my lexicon that are useful shorthands for describing particular phenomena. In an effort to get everyone to understand what I'm talking about more of the time, I've listed a few below:

• Defending the Kennedys - My friend Tim's father - a good Midwestern conservative lawyer - would bait his Boston-dwelling son by mocking the Kennedy clan, which would make Tim feel suddenly protective and he'd find himself defending the Kennedys when he didn't at all care about them or their reputation. So, to "defend the Kennedys" is to find yourself in a position of arguing a point about which you don't actually give a shit.

• And that's why I hate tacos... - This phrase was coined in homage to some guy named Jeff who used to give extremely circuitous answers to the most basic of questions. So, in response to "Do you like tacos?" you'd hear about his childhood experiences with ground meat, his feelings on US/Mexican trade policy, and the history of sour cream production and then, 20 minutes later, he'd wrap up with "... and that's why I hate tacos." So, a long answer to a short question is an example of "and that's why I hate tacos."

• Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference? - The punchline of a joke about a Jew* who sees a Chinese guy sitting on a park bench and jabs him in the eye (or something) and says, "that's for Pearl Harbor!" The guy says, "I'm Chinese, not Japanese." To this the Jew responds "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the Chinese guy jabs the Jew in the eye and says "that's for the Titanic!" The Jew says "what do I have to do with the Titantic?" and the Chinese guy says, "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

It's a pretty stupid, vaguely offensive joke, but the punchline is excellent shorthand for anyone comparing two completely unlike things and making them seem equivalent.

*Being Jewish, I can use the word "Jew" as a label and have it be completely neutral. Everyone else has to use the qualifier "man" as in "Jewish man." It's one of the rights that comes with being chosen. Unfortunately, those rights don't extend to being good at delivering jokes. Iceberg/Goldberg is as good as I get.